


A Little More Words Than What I Usually Say When Upset

by windows98startup



Category: Original Works
Genre: I wish to exist within myself, Music, Poems, Vents, but its still pretty difficult, stories, the kid who can do it all and still isn't good enough
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 5,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22030693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windows98startup/pseuds/windows98startup
Summary: explore the many things that fill and plague my mind each day





	1. I'm Not Sure If I Have A Choice In This Scenario

**Author's Note:**

> anyways i'm chill i deleted my works from last year because im the exact opposite of proud of them. i've decided to put my vent works n all that on this now so. yeah.

I've been trying for so, so long  
To be the right one  
To show you something different each day  
So you'll know what I have to say  
Like Puzzle pieces  
and now we're here at a stand-still  
and I'm wondering if you feel  
the kind of pain that puts your insides out.  
that's something i know all about,  
shocking, ain't it?  
do you really think i can't be hurt?  
you made those mistakes, it made me hurt.  
Its not a me thing.  
is it because they made you hurt?  
it made me awake, i'll still be hurt  
Its a you thing.  
I can feel my heart breaking  
Mistakes you've been making  
You're running out of patience for me  
This isn't how I'll let it end  
My mind fading  
It seems you're mourning your loss here  
and that's grinding my gears  
How can a human lose his self control?  
There's nothing left to make us whole.  
I'm done explaining.  
do you really think i can't be hurt?  
you made those mistakes, it made me hurt.  
Its not a me thing.  
is it because they made you hurt?  
it made me awake, i'll still be hurt  
Its a you thing.  
This is what happens when you  
Leave it to somebody else  
If you want it done right you should  
Just do it yourself.  
You over saturate your world with nothing they believe  
You might make everyone happy but you're  
Dead inside, just like me!  
And now we're here at a standstill, I'm wondering if you feel  
The kind of pain that puts your insides out  
That's something I know all about  
Shocking, ain't it?  
We have a lot more in common  
Than what you might be calm with  
Its like we're the same person, me and you.  
We both don't know what we can do.  
do you really think i can't be hurt?  
you made those mistakes, it made me hurt.  
Its not a me thing.  
is it because they made you hurt?  
it made me awake, i'll still be hurt  
Its a you thing.


	2. I'm Trapped in this Nightmare and I Don't Know Why They Want Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't like to sleep. I don't like to dream.   
> These dreams don't want me to be awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> screaming

The wonder kid rests his head  
Unknowing of the horrors next  
It's a nice dream to start  
Peaceful and fun  
But once he knows that it isn't real  
Just a dream  
Everything goes bitter  
It's no longer a dream  
But a nightmare  
and he can't wake up  
They won't let him wake up  
They hold him in there  
Tormenting, Tormenting  
Awful, awful things  
He can't wake up  
They won't let him  
They want him there  
and he doesn't know why  
He screams and he cries   
He shouts and he trashes  
but nothing will allow for him to escape their cold, dead grasp  
He's weak in this world  
He doesn't know why  
He doesn't know how  
He's afraid and wants to be safe within the arms of his lover  
Wide awake next to him  
They won't let you go  
Everything is scary  
He finally escapes  
His lover brings him into a tight embrace  
Reassuring him that he's safe and awake  
As he cries into their shoulder, they hold on to him


	3. The Birds Flying Across My Room Taunt Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The birds flying across my room taunt me, i can't reach them, can't physically feel them.

Black birds fly across my room this afternoon  
I hear their wings flutter   
I see their shiny black feathers   
I reach out to grab one, to pet it   
To feel the soft feathers on my hand   
My hand goes right through it   
I can't feel it   
I can't touch it   
I can't hold it  
I attempt to grab at the birds more   
Each time I fail   
I do not know why   
My hands go right through them   
I can't grab them  
They're right there  
Taunting me and my inability to tell what's real and what's not  
They won't go away  
No matter how hard I try  
I can't get them to leave  
With an opened window or door  
By luring them out with bird seed  
Or by simply trying to just get them to disappear  
They stay where they are  
Flying across my room  
3 birds  
None real?  
That's what my friends say  
They don't see the birds either  
"Try to catch one, then. If you see them."  
I can't catch one  
but I still see them  
I still hear them  
The birds chirping at me.  
Am I crazy?  
I don't know.  
All I know is the birds and I are one in the same  
Unsure and all alone.


	4. Unfortunately This is a Rant and I'm Just Trying to Vibe With This Creme Soda Can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all

I'm not the bad guy  
I'm just a bit surprising  
It isn't worth losing sleep  
Nor is it for analyzing  
There was a time  
Not very long ago, at all  
I was just like you.  
Can you hear my call?  
This makes me turn a bitter shade of blue  
But you weren't ready for that  
To be honest I wasn't either  
You see me in your reflection  
You didn't think I'd be here  
You didn't think I'd be waiting for satisfaction  
Are you happy now?  
Are you happy now?  
Well, are you?  
I can tell you that I'm not  
Trying to be what you want  
I just want to be me  
And if that means being you  
Then it should be obvious  
You fell for my little ruse  
I can't believe it  
You just had to see it  
It was amazing  
And crazy, too  
I lost Kaz and others  
Max and Nagi and its kinda funny  
I didn't like Nagi in the first place  
Kaz knew you were a waste of space  
Max was telling the truth  
And I was torn apart because of you  
I was stupid for believing  
But not anymore  
I see through all your tricks  
You crazy little bitch  
I can be a better you  
You know it, too  
I will be a better you  
It's a promise, not a ruse  
I won't call out for inaccurate accusations  
It hurt and that conversation  
Forever burned inside my head  
Oh you're not very significant  
In the happiness of the friends we share  
You cause me pain  
And for the record  
If you yell again you won't be the first or second  
Give me a second  
What did you do  
To help me ever?  
You've yelled and cried  
Scared me away  
I do not want to see you today  
Unaware of the pain you've caused me  
No no not anymore  
Your tears will be yummy  
You play the victim  
You scream and you cry  
Well let me tell you  
One last time  
I'm all out of hurt  
You've used up all I've got  
So I'm tearing it up  
And still coming up squat  
If I wanted to bleed  
I'd just roll up my sleeve and  
Draw and  
Write and  
Cut  
You won't get away with this  
You're not on  
The nice list  
Your attitude resembles to coal  
Its kinda funny  
Since I'm the one who has no soul  
You're supposed to be the one looking after me  
Making sure I'm not off doing stupid stuff  
Getting rough with my friends  
While you're struggling to make meets end  
You believed in me once upon a time  
What's the point in believing if you already know I can do it  
And what's the point with this poem even if it rhymes (sometimes)  
You call yourself my predecessor  
And want me to be the next you  
You've gone on and on about that for a while  
Even when I said I didn't want to  
You know my potential  
And to be honest  
You're jealous of it  
My crisis is existential  
You want me to be you?  
I'll be you but better  
And don't go crying back to him  
When I show you I'm here too  
I know everything about your personality and mind  
And to me my mind is not so very kind  
I want to be ok  
And you're making it more difficult than it already is  
The tables have tabled  
And now its my turn  
A bitter shade of blue is what I've made you  
And our hatred for each other is what burns.


	5. A Ramble About Hope and Doubt

Honestly why do people hope?  
Its kinda useless and disappointing.  
If you hope and are correct, the outcome isn't as fun and exciting.  
If you hope and are wrong, the outcome is disappointing and makes you unhappy.

However, doubting will not give you that disappointment.  
Giving doubt will protect you from disappointment and sadness.  
If you doubt and are correct, you already expected it so you aren't met with disappointment.  
If you doubt and are wrong, you're met with a pleasant surprise.

So its in your better interest to doubt.  
You can avoid feeling negative when things aren't peachy.  
Doubting makes me feel more assured and happy than being hopeful.   
Hoping for me isn't met with good. Its met with a fucking meltdown and i can't even communicate what's wrong or try to calm down.

Its in my better interest for me to doubt.  
I don't want to hurt because someone told me to "Be positive!" and hope.   
That's not how my mind works  
I don't want to hurt. I do not care if i am perceived as negative.


	6. A Little Tired but Wide Awake

I'm just a little tired.  
Nothing important.  
I'll go to sleep now.  
Don't worry about me  
I've stopped worrying about me  
Because you did too  
You don't help me or show concern anymore  
You leave me there  
In pain and all alone  
In need of support and help  
But now I just shrug my shoulders   
And go "Oh well"  
I've stopped expecting concern  
I've stopped expecting replies  
You do not care  
I don't think you all ever did  
I mean  
I know I'm only 14  
And you all are treating me as an edgy 12 year old  
Ignoring me and belittling my issues  
But its fine!  
It's helped me recognize who are and aren't to be trusted  
And that my problems and feelings don't matter  
It's helped find ways to get through it on my own!  
It's helped me realize that you are not people who are called friends  
I'm just going to sleep  
I'm kinda tired anyways  
It's no big deal.  
Nothing is wrong!  
Everything is perfectly fine.  
Isn't it?  
You tell me that it isn't but you've taught me different   
Why do you insist on doing this?  
Oh my god  
Just leave me alone  
I can't physically speak or text  
And you're just making it worse  
But that's how it always is  
The neglect and lack of care when I'm not doing ok  
I'm just fine  
But you won't be  
I know how to manifest my sadness and upset into anger and power  
I've been able to, but never let it out  
I feel that anger every day  
Every time I look at you  
Every me you're happy.  
Every time you get help when upset  
Every time people show concern about you  
Is it too much for me to ask for me to have that too?  
When you disappear, there's multiple fuckin search parties and people crying literal tears over you.  
When I disappear? It goes unnoticed. Nobody cares.  
So I'm gonna disappear forever.  
But this time you'll now about it  
When I cut you off entirely  
You're actually right  
You do drive off all your friends  
Because your immaturity when it comes to yours and others emotions  
That will be your downfall  
And it will be your fault only.  
Its why you get no respect  
And why I do  
Why my classmates accept the ever changing me, my views and self in general  
Whereas yours can't because your reactions are childish even though you speak logic  
You don't show that you know what you're talking about.  
That will be your downfall.  
You want me to be the next you  
But there will be big, big differences between us.  
I won't make the same mistakes you did.  
I'm not gonna react so childishly and actually gain respect from my peers  
I'm tired and I want to sleep  
I'm just tired  
And nothing is wrong!  
It's time to sleep now.   
Good Night.


	7. I'm Not Sorry That I'm Better Than You, You Should've Tried Harder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes to my dear friend, Jagger.

I've been here for almost 2 years  
It feels like forever  
I'm treated like family  
And some ties have been severed  
Saxophonist, ADC, Honor Roll Student  
Whatever I am  
You want to be  
Durham's favorite student  
I'm told that all the time  
I don't believe it myself  
Weren't you that last year?  
Next in line for Team A  
The season is almost here  
Saxophone 1?  
Hard to say  
Sectionals would go better   
And more progress would be made  
If respect was given  
When I was made leader  
Don't get salty  
When I'm chosen for a higher purpose than you  
I made it here  
I earned it  
I put in extra effort  
While you just whined  
About me being favorite  
Kevin wasn't chosen to be section leader  
However he would make an amazing leader in something less restricting  
As band has strict rules  
And procedures to follow  
Oh and one more thing  
These feelings that you make me feel  
You make me angrier than anything else  
Does the good outweigh the bad?  
At this point I'm unsure  
You're kind of a bitch  
And really immature  
You've been my closest friend  
As I have been to you  
Hard times and Fun rhymes  
You say nobody can hate you more than you hate yourself  
and you're about to prove yourself wrong.


	8. Toxicity and A Backstabbing, A Tale of Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Sara, for bringing me this info.

You were my closest friend  
For what felt like forever  
To me, like a brother  
Who would be there for me whenever  
We talked and we vented  
The stars, infinity, you name it  
Helped each other build up courage to ask out our first bf/gf  
Though, those didn't end well  
Panic attacks, Asthma attacks  
I thought you'd always have my back  
You told me a secret  
And to get you off my back I told you something slightly false.  
You immediately run to Sara and tell her  
And Sara tells Kelci  
And Sara tells Andrew  
I didn't tell anyone about your crush.   
Then you twisted my words  
To make it sound like I liked Andrew  
Even though Kelci and Andrew are together  
I would never do that to her  
Why would I? I have no reason to.  
I don't like him anyways.  
My exact words were "I think his hair is neat"  
Not "I like Andrew"  
Even Sara didn't believe you entirely  
Kelci believes me  
Sara was afraid to ask   
But I was fine with the question  
I had nothing to hide  
Because I didn't like him  
So Kelci asked me   
And y'know, y'see?  
I answered no  
And we left it at that  
You sure gave Sara a heart attack.  
So no more secrets for you  
No more talking  
And late nights past due  
My words a Symphony   
And your parts been cued.

And to be honest  
All I needed was one more reason  
To hate you   
The bad outweighs the good  
No more fun times with you  
You can't be trusted  
The lonely heart's rusted


	9. My Mind Is Electric

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a rant from a fucking kinnie because i read this south park au earlier and its killing me because there's no update. mirai park go check that out its fuckin epic

Think of these thoughts as limitless lights  
Exposing, closing  
Circuitry of Fright  
Think of each moment  
Holding this breath  
As death minute in decimal

Resident minor,  
How do you plead?  
We'll need your testimony for the stand  
Solemnly swear to tell the whole truth  
So help you son  
Now raise your right hand

Father, your honor  
May I explain?  
My brain has claimed its glory over me  
I've a good heart  
Albeit insane

Condemn him to the infirmary

All mine towers crumble down  
Flowers gasping under rubble  
Shrieking in the hall of lull  
Thy genius sates a thirst for trouble

Scattering sparks of thought energy  
Deliver me and carry me away

Here in this kingdom  
I am your Lord  
I order you to cower and pray

Nuns commence in canting as the  
Lightning strikes mine temples thus  
Electrifying my chambers wholly  
Scorching out thine sovereignty so

Spiraling down thy magesty  
I beg of thee  
Have mercy on me  
I was just a boy, you see?  
I plead of thee  
Have sympathy for me

See how the serfs work the ground  
See how they fall  
And they give it all they've got  
And they give it all they've got  
And you give it all you've got  
Until you're down

See how the brain  
Plays around  
And you fall inside a hole you couldn't see

And you fall inside a hole  
inside a-

some one help me

Understand what's going on  
Inside my mind

Doctor I can't tell if I'm not me


	10. Tea Party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah. i'm a fucking butters kinnie from the mirai park thing.

Its a bitch convincing people to like you.  
They hate your guts and want to spill em  
The tea party is just beginning  
I never thought of you so kindly  
You make me crazy and i just feel it  
I can't believe I ran in so blindly  
Because of you  
You're unsightly  
I wish that I wasn't so much like you.  
The way I feel  
Is dark and bitter  
Like chocolate chips  
When the light is dimmer  
Your blood is spilled  
Its all over the floor  
Your brother's almost here  
Why don't I unlock the door?

What's with the fucking attitude?  
Please just drink my tea  
Y'know you're being an awful guest  
Coming from the host who cut off your arm  
Am I gonna have to do it again?  
"Now I can see why you were grounded all the time and why you were treated that way by your parents"  
...  
...  
Now I no longer have a hostage  
I sneak out the window  
Kyle's gonna kick my ass if he has the chance  
I'm dead meat  
He can catch me if he can


	11. My Downfall Will Be Epic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God. Why do I have to be so smart? Why. Why.

Expectations getting raised  
10th/11th grade level scores on my tests  
Talent  
Aptitude  
Whatever you wish to call it  
I have it  
They want it  
I pass everything  
The world at my fingers  
A deep understanding  
Of the things around me  
My own feelings  
And my own mind  
Unimportant and expanding greatly  
Mental Illness plagues me  
Extreme spirals never-ending  
My downfall will be epic  
Just you wait

It's the most amazing thing to hit the theatre  
But this isn't on the script  
My life isn't a play  
Or is it?  
I mean  
I, myself know it in a way  
Line by Line  
Action by Action!  
Overworking myself  
To get your satisfaction  
Books were my escape  
But they turned those against me too  
Now I can't read one for fun  
They'll force me, so

I turn to games  
E-Sports is here  
The option is clear  
Competition  
Repetition  
Reputation?  
Celebration.  
They turned that against me too  
But this time it was a different one  
One who I was stuck with like glue  
Toxicity and a Backstabbing  
You were in there   
Who?

Accusations  
I can't forget  
My mind is large  
I know many  
You're jealous of that  
And how I'm still friendly   
Respect I get  
From my peers  
You can't relate  
Your feelings are insincere  
You don't care  
When you realized my potential  
To be greater than you'll ever be  
Before I even reach High School  
What does that say about me?  
Bruh I don't know

Bittersweet is a pretty color  
I rest safely in the arms of my lover  
Free of worries  
Free of fear  
Free of stress  
But I still hear  
The artists telling me all about  
My wasted potential  
Because I'm oh so special  
Comics and Competitions  
My oh My  
I win! I win!  
That's my prize?  
The lack of self-esteem  
The approval from everyone I know?  
The jealousy of my friends who aspire to be me?  
Well, I guess I'll go.

Music and Madness  
It's how I cope with my sadness  
The sax is fun  
But the sectionmates are not  
They refuse to listen  
Nor do they care  
The motivation to be great   
Is never there.  
1st band, 1st chair  
I got it 2nd try  
The best one there  
Is that why?  
Honor band nominee  
A lack of common sense  
The fun I have with the band  
Is worth more than paying rent

Computers have beauty  
Their mind I can easily create  
A little more difficult to manipulate  
Nevertheless, I still have fun  
It reminds me of myself in a way  
Easy to program  
Awful memory  
Lagging, Lagging  
Windows 10, the new and improved  
Windows 8.1, subpar at best  
Windows 7, underappreciated  
Windows Vista, nostalgia and longing for the innocence that I lost  
Windows XP? Scared me to death. Now I'm fine with it  
Windows 2000? Forgotten and lost  
Windows Millennium Edition, the worst version  
Windows 98, 95, please don't come near me  
I'm afraid of these noises

They haunt me forever  
They're not real  
But the bells ring  
And birds fly, looking for a meal  
I wish she wouldn't sing  
Hiding inside my head  
I don't think they're real  
But they won't stop on their own  
And I can't make them  
They can make me lose it  
They can make me cry

I lie awake at night  
Wondering who I'm supposed to be  
Am I supposed to be you?  
Or are you already me.


	12. And At Last, An Answer.

You refuse to let me be  
So bitter and lack of satisfaction  
I can't see why you'd be filled with jealousy  
Why you'd want what I have  
Why you can't take action  
I mean, I'm a pretty chill guy  
Or at least, I try to be  
I'm fourteen  
Don't you see?  
I should be the one looking up to you  
And you try your hardest to look down at me  
You tried to stay cool for a few  
But why you didn't get thrown over the edge is a miracle  
At last you gave me a reason  
Me being calm was satirical  
Being nice is out of season  
This isn't a good enough reason  
You scream  
You cry  
All fall towards you  
This isn't the fucking reason  
You have all I could ever want  
People to care about me  
People who wonder where I am  
And try to find me  
I don't have that  
The exact opposite  
Nobody cares about me  
You have it all  
And I still can't get enough sleep  
I don't know all your reasons.  
I fucking hate you so much  
You put me through all this pain  
For what?  
For what?  
To blame me for your issues?  
Fuck off  
I won't miss you  
He says I'll have a big impact  
And I guess I kinda did  
You're paranoid about it  
Being outdone by a kid.


	13. A Little Childish, Don't You Think?

If you think that you're significant in this, you're oh so wrong.  
I'm 14, I one-up everyone by default, you're not the special one who I chose to one-up purely to piss you off.  
You're not that prominent of a figure in my life, and there's nothing about you that I can one-up.  
I'm already above you, anyways.  
If you have shit to say about me, say it to my face.  
If you have a problem with me, confront me with the issue, and we'll fix it.  
But this time, it's up to you.  
I've already tried,  
But you refused to comply  
And simply threw it away.  
But soon I'll be fed up with all this.

Being unable to handle being outdone by someone my age  
Even just once  
It threw you over the edge  
Jesus Christ  
They didn't even take your side  
Protecting me  
In this fight  
The side of irrationality  
Your ego holds it high  
Never letting go  
Of your foolish point of view  
I'm not attacking you

C'mon, you're making me cry  
I've lost it all  
What do you gain?  
A sense of self-righteousness  
In exchange for all my pain  
I was just a kid  
Yet, I knew better  
To tear someone apart  
This isn't fair  
Surrounded by all the ones who were your friends  
But it turns out  
You were all alone  
In the end

We could've worked this out  
But now I have all my old friends  
Back Again  
The ones you made me leave behind  
After all this time  
They were right about you all along.


	14. We Vibing Now?

You don't seem to convey the bitterness you feel for me over voice.  
We vibe, quite a bit.  
I don't know why.  
Maybe its the time?  
I'm unsure.  
You're pretty chill  
Not gonna lie  
But who knows how long  
Until that all falls ill


	15. Once Again, The Ego Takes Over

Can't you see?   
It's not me.  
I'm not the bad guy here.  
I'm sorry that you can't accept you made mistakes  
And that you've done wrong.  
I'm not some kid you can condescend into giving up anymore.  
Now that I have my own selfs, and nothing to lose.  
No friends, no benefits.  
Now, what did you choose?  
It seems that our mind often plays tricks on us.  
Fooling us into overthinking someone else as the bad guy.  
Warping the scene into something that didn't happen.  
I tried to be reasonable, I kept it quiet.  
However you couldn't have that,  
Crying those crocodile tears to the rest   
Stating what was untrue  
That I was the Villain  
Aren't You?  
Can't have my side of the story get out, oh no  
That wouldn't mean well for you, now would it?  
What a shame, it shall be.  
Saying that these matters are frivolous and that you'll be an adult in just mere months  
However, you do not act the part.  
A 14 year old shouldn't be the one acting as the adult here.  
Your ego can't handle that, along with the notion that I, as well as many others, can be superior to you.  
It's quite unfortunate, but a conversation involving the matter was apparently far too much  
Pushing too far on your emotional boundaries? Just these words?  
It took me everything I had not to break down before I even sent the first message  
The amount of shit you put me through really fucks up a 12 year old  
Lost a sense of self, and I still don't know who I am.  
I don't want to be you, that is the last thing I want to be.  
My mind, entropy  
I had some friends, very well liked  
Because I was fun and spontaneous, and liked to help whenever and whatever, and for happiness it pleaded  
But apparently it was decided that I was no longer needed.  
I wish you would try to understand  
You're not the image in your head  
And that will not only be just your downfall  
But the downfall of everything around you  
I know what I am, and what I'm not.  
The fact that you restrict me by my age isn't very nice  
But all my attempts will never suffice  
I tried to make amends  
Not once, but twice!  
And apparently you were to dense to see  
That the villain isn't me.

I do not care, yell and cry if you wish  
But I can't one-up someone I'm already entirely above.  
I'm above your petty ego  
And I'm above all this.  
But now I shall have the last word.

I'm sorry for this.


	16. My Letter To You, Maybe You'll Find It.

The end of an era, this very well may be.  
I wish you the best on your journey,  
Perhaps you'll find the truth,  
I might, too.  
Solving my own problems, which had an attempt.  
I'm finding answers everyday, some of which you'd understand.  
The gaps in my memories  
They get mixed up and tangled  
So things aren't quite lined up   
They never actually were,  
We found an answer  
And still kinda working it out  
I'm not sure when to talk about it  
Or anything at all  
I'm afraid of the actual truth about how everything works  
What is actually wrong with me  
And having no friends makes it so much worse.  
I don't know why everyone hates me nowadays  
You might know the answer to that,  
Because some not nice and untrue things were said behind my back  
You know if my side was heard, it'd spell issues for you  
Like back when you accused me of lying about my age  
And everyone supported me, leaving you speechless.  
I have feelings too, ya know?  
It's hard to believe, isn't it  
I know many things  
And will go far  
I think you couldn't handle being outdone by me  
Especially at my age  
Shouldn't you be proud?  
And helping me along the way?  
I mean, that's what any sane person would do.  
And everybody agrees,  
You hold yourself above everyone else  
You're unable to believe  
That you can be surpassed.  
It's quite sad, really.  
I used to look up to you,  
I used to want to be you  
Times have changed,   
And you've proven yourself unworthy of being a role model  
What happened to you?  
What happened to everything?  
I'm sorry that this all happened  
But I must say this.

I confronted you because I couldn't keep being afraid of you  
I gathered my thoughts  
Put them in order  
And it came to me that I have nothing to lose  
You've taken everything from me already  
All except for her, of course  
Because she knows my side of the story and knows that I'm speaking the truth  
But now I have no friends  
Nothing to look forward to  
No support and no guidance  
No one else to talk to.  
You've rid me of my friends  
Starting with Max  
Who was telling the truth  
That can't get repaired  
And you think you're the hero   
And then with Kaz  
Who was right about you  
I never liked Nagi, there was bad vibes from the start, but I shut up about it because I'm a fucking people pleaser and didn't want to get yelled at  
And everyone else  
I'm not sure what happened there  
I've been trying and trying  
And no one cares  
I'm treated like a burden  
When I literally do nothing  
Like I'm something that shouldn't exist  
And sometimes I truly believe that I should put an end to it.  
Of course, you're never the bad guy  
Gotta keep up the good image!   
But at what cost?  
I hope you're happy.  
The shit that you pulled when we met long ago   
That fucks up a 12 year old's sense of self  
Hell, I'm still not even sure who I am  
I don't wanna be you  
But that seems like something fate has destined me to  
There's more than just that, though!  
The gaps prove otherwise  
Vick Luchia, is that who I am?  
Or is it the kid that can only speak in static?  
Words cannot describe  
The things that I've been through  
And will continue to go through.


End file.
